Experiencing, Seeing, Getting, Doing, Teaching, Thriving, Living

So I have been back for 11 days. Time is flying!! The first five days of this trip my dad was with me. What an incredible experience. I felt like a little kid again after I had made an art project but the teacher kept it for the art show. All the excitement of knowing I did a good job and all I wanted to do was show mom and dad what I made! But I had to wait… for the art show. Then. It happens. The day of that art show is here and I can hardly wait to walk in the room with all the wonderful art projects and see mine with them. Feeling accomplished. That’s what it felt like have a parent here. This place where I invest my time. The class where I invest my talent. The kids who I invest my love in. He got to see that. Not just pictures but SEE it. Experience it. Wow.

I know my last couple posts were about not so positive things. I was really struggling. Bad. I must be honest and say that I was only expecting it to be worse this time. Especially when the day came to put my dad on a plane while I stayed. I must also be honest and say, this trip is great! Sending dad home was difficult yes, but I couldn’t imagine going back with him. I love this place. This life that I GET to live. The school has started and I have a schedule. I still have quite a bit of down time but it is so refreshing. I teach three classes 5 days a week and eventually will have 2 classes on Saturday. I finished the first week today and I am overwhelmed with joy. God gives me knowledge on the spot. Anytime I start to doubt what to do next or if this is helping, God speaks wisdom into me and the whole room lights up. Hearing the kids practice what we have learned and ask questions and strive for perfection, I am overwhelmed with peace and joy. I can see their faces light up when they understand me. What an honor to GET to be the light of Christ through teaching. What an honor to be a part of someone else’s dream. With an honor as this, comes a lot of responsibility. Anything I say, they hear and imitate. Anything I do, they see and imitate. I am not just teaching them English, I am teaching them character. This makes me search my motives and actions every day. Am I showing joy? Am I being patient? Am I showing grace? Am I showing hope? Can they see Christ in me or do they just see a white girl teaching them another language? Every. Day. These thoughts flood my mind.

At the beginning of this journey l was attacked with thoughts such, am I really doing anything for Christ by just teaching English? Is this really a mission or just a job in a third world country? Coming back, seeing the faces of these young adults, lost, hopeless, eager, and hungry for any satisfaction, I realize, God has out me in a position of leadership. A position where for four hours a day, eyes, ears, hearts, and minds are on me. Young people, relying on me to educate them for a better future. Wow. Heavy. But it’s not something I have to do, it’s something I get to do. I see now why it’s important for doctors in missions, they see people who have given up and they get to speak words of Christ over people and offer love and support. Volunteers and owners of orphanages are important because they get to talk to a family who has no hope for raising their own child and they get to feed and fill this child with love and joy that they can display to their families later in life. Business men and women are important in missions because they give knowledge and hope to people who need a job. They have an opportunity to change someone’s life by creating jobs. Teachers are important in missions because they get to work with all ages. Giving knowledge of this crazy world. Giving love and understanding when they don’t understand or don’t feel accepted.

Coming back I also realize that I do still have a love for children but, I have a greater desire for young people the people just out of high school searching for whatever it is that makes them an adult. The people between 18 and 40. Where marriage and success are top of the list. The ages where many feel as though no one cares. Many people work with children. Even mission teams, they come to play with the kids. Which is great yes, but, we need to invest in the young people. These are the ones who are entering this scary, crazy, yet beautiful world and have an immediate chance to change it. This is when we need to hook them on hope and life. This is when we need to introduce them to true love in Christ, before they begin looking for love from this world. This is when we need to teach them to be satisfied by the Word not technology or relationships. This is when. This is my desire. To be an example of a young adult relentlessly pursuing Christ and giving all I have to offer them the knowledge that I have. With wanting to accomplish this, I will also have to introduce transparency. Be honest. Let them know that the world is evil everywhere. Let them know that I am not perfect and they shouldn’t strive to be like “an American” but strive to be the best Haitian they can be. Even more than that, take away the nationality and just try to be the best YOU you can be. We have this misconception that God is American. He didn’t just die for Americans, He died for Haitians, Spanish, European, Canadian, Iranian, Chinese, African, legal and illegal immigrants, racists, men and women, children, and leaders.

My desire is to share with them the knowledge I have simply from living in a different place. The knowledge of something they feel hopeless without that I blessed enough to be born into. English. God really got my attention the first week I was back. A group of Ukranian missionaries stayed at the house with my dad and I. They knew English and had been American citizens for many years, but they still spoke a lot of Ukranian. One night, Ricado, my interpreter, and the leader of this mission team, had a conversation. In English. This language we take for granted was the path of communication for two other nations. Wow. I know my words don’t do it justice but that moment, watching two totally different people, with totally different languages, come together and agree with English was nothing less than beautiful. That’s when I felt God slap me upside the head and said, “Do you still think this dream is pointless?” I am very thankful for a God who still gets my attention and speaks to me.

This next chapter in the journey I am on has me feeling refreshed, renewed, happy, peaceful, and full of opportunities. I eliminated some important yet distracting things over the past month. It was hard but so rewarding. I don’t feel weighed down. I feel free. I don’t feel alone, I feel embraced. I don’t feel like a failure, I feel like a warrior. Haiti is beautiful. Haiti is broken. Haiti is not poverty, it is potential.