Prepare For Rain

I've had this topic on my heart for quite some time. Especially when Pastor began a series on it. I wasn't in the states to hear many of the messages in the series but the spirit was still speaking those words to me.

My previous trip to Haiti in June and July was full of GOD moments. More happened in those three weeks than I feel has happened since moving to Haiti in September. My emotions were unsettled when I got there. A relationship back home took a turn for the worst but I had recieved a promise about it, so I was dealing with doubt and confusion there. Once I got to Haiti, my plans kept falling through. I ended up spending a day at the house I have been staying at and did some teaching and activities with the kids. Don't get me wrong, I love those kids and those people, but it was different. I felt like I was in a box. Very unsettled. A few days passed and Ellen contacted. I was able to meet with her and some girls she had visiting and went to her place. It was hard. There was alot happening at Ellens, all blessings, just overwhelming and lots of voices telling what to do. For once, I didn't feel comfortable here either. I felt out of place. I went to the school I had been teaching at in the city on Saturday and taught the classes that day. That was nice. I love to teach. I stayed at Ellen's for a few days and taught the English class and even got to go see a baby that she now has living at her orphanage. Along with the mother! The opportunity was a blessing but not fun. Ellen was planning on leaving soon so I needed to go back to my house still unable to make the connection that was originially the plan. I offered to stay at Ellen's while she was in the states since she had two new family members but those plans fell through also. I can see now why I wasn't meant to stay there. We'll get to that later though!

The day I left Ellen's I finally connected with the Tucker's and got on a boat to see them. On the way to La Gonave I still wasn't happy though. I wanted to go home. I was even discussing with my parents I would pay the fee to change the ticket because I didn't want to be here anymore. I spent about a week with them at first. I will never forget when the boat pulled up to the dock and I saw Heather. She stood with arms wide open. She couldn't even really see me, other than I was the only white person on the boat. At that moment I felt my first hint of peace of this trip and heard, welcome home. I got off the boat and as soon as my feet hit the ground, joy. I wasn't tired any longer, I wasn't sad, I didn't have doubt, I was happy. The Tucker's were preparing for a team that was going to be hosting a soccer camp for four villages as well as VBS. They had lots to do. I spent this week serving alongside them, helping with the house, clean, pray, cook, visit, anything really that they needed done. I loved that God gave me the opportunity to take a step back and serve rather than lead. I realized God was showing me a whole new avenue of Missions and this was just the beginning.

I caught myself constantly praying for rain. Both natural and supernatural. All week this was my prayer. Honestly, I don't know what I was expecting, but I was determined to get an answer. At the end of that week I had to decide if I was going to spend my last week with the Tucker's or at my house. I am glad God directed my steps and I ended up with the Tucker's. I had to return to my house to pack up. Everything. I didn't know why I was feeling this way, but I knew I needed to clean out that room. I wasn't coming back for awhile. The day I packed up from my place, I wasn't sad. I was at peace. I packed up everything and cleaned it out. When I finished, It was as though a giant elephant had finally removed its foot from my chest. Why was I so relieved to be leaving? I didn't know and still really don't know but that is okay. What I do know, is that all this time, all this conflict and confusion was because I wouldn't allow God to prepare me for my next step. God is moving me. Where? I don't know yet. I headed back to the island with Brian and the team. Here I was, just uprooted myself again, headed to a place I didn't know well with a van full of people I didn't know. How incredibly exciting?! I spent 10 days with some of the most amazing people I have ever met.

God continued to condition and train me in serving. I loved it. I learned about worship, conflict, dreams, vulnerability, trust, healing, and true friendship. All of that in 10 days of sitting back, listening, and serving. On the first night, there was a storm coming. Not just some rain, but a storm. God was answering our prayers. As we watched the sky darken, we began to PREPARE. Boarding up, cleanng up, getting ready. Then it hit. A few moments of fear as we all just stood around looking at one another wondering if this was okay. Then, we began to rejoice. We played and showered in the storm. The Tucker's relentlessly tried to keep the water out of the house but even with the preparation, there was more work needed.

We prayed for rain, God sent the rain. We were scared by it. This is when God revealed a new perspective. God's answer to our prayers can be scary. Almost so scary we miss the blessing in His answer. I began to reflect how many times big changes came and I cowered and hid because it was so big. Not realizing, that the big changes held my blessings and answered prayers. Especially now, in the midst of financial struggle, conflict in our foundation, opportunities, and uncertainty in a promised relationship. God has shown that these uncomfortable, big, scary situations are blessings. I can and HAVE to choose to dance and be cleansed in the rain.

As the storm raged, more work was created. We swept and swept and swept and mopped and moved stuff and swept some more just to keep things functional. It stormed again the next night but we were more prepared. Even though we were better prepared, there was still lots of work. As I helped clean up the water, God taught me that in the time between the prayer and the blessing, more than just waiting happens. Preparation happens. Without the preparation, I can't handle the blessing. If I can't handle the blessing, how can I expect to handle the work that comes with the blessing? I can't. This storm raging around me requires lots of hard work. Work that I am thankful God gave me time to prepare for. Relationships will be challenged, doors will open AND close, God will move.

The day after the 2nd storm, I stayed to sweep out the rain water and it took all morning. I didn't necessarily want to, but I was happy to. In the time I was cleaning, a new friendship was strengthened. God's purpose was exposed. We dove deep into His love. While others continued their work out with the villages, God continued and started a new work found in the work caused by the blessing. What a blessing... right? I need to prepare for greater. When the greater comes, the blessings are there but struggles are there too. During the storm, more work will be required. In these moments, the work may keep you from the visable, understood work but it gets you alone. Intimate. Vulnerable. Quiet. Had I not prepared for the blessing, I would have fallen in the storm. The preparation has more often been to equip me for the battle and work that comes with the blessing, not just the blessing itself.

By the time it came time to leave the island, I was upset. I loved feeling God in this place. My heart was here. I had a new joy, new strength, and new perspective. God got my attention once again one evening while I was standing on the roof looking out at the ocean seeing a beautiful sunset on one side and giant, ominous storm on the other. I felt so small. God was in control of the huge ocean in front of me, the beautiful sunset as well as the barreling storm and I was worried about my plans? It was in this moment He told me to throw away my plans. In the midst of all the new things happening, God was asking me to become new.

The short time I was home, God began removing things I didn't think I could be without. Things that prior to the lesson, I would not have let go of. Leaving the orphanage, the place I called home at the beginning of this Haiti journey was preparation to leave my comfort once again. I had to let go of what I thought I needed, to see what God wanted for me. When I finally surrendered to this NEW perspective, I had no idea just exactly how new God would make things. Every single part of my original Haiti plan has been thrown away. Every single piece. I went back to the states with little to no plan on what was next. The little plan I did have quickly got thrown out too. It's still a little scary, even knowing good is coming, not having a plan for someone like me is an artist in front of a canvas with no paint or tools.

Haiti looks different now. The dream is different now. Life is crazy different. I know that to many who see what is happening for me right now, it seems as though I am in a slump. As if all the good and blessings for this dream are being taken from me, but that is hardly the case. All of my fears of this change are fears of how others would respond. All about how others will interpret it. My fears are based on things that don't matter. I have not failed. I have not given up. God is still with me and He is not using me any less.

Had God not told me to throw all those plans away, I wouldn't have been ready for Him to take those plans and everything else away. I firmly believe this is the only reason I am able to see the blessing in these closed doors.

While in the states the big question I was being asked was, " whats the plan now Britt? When are you going back?" To that my only response was I didn't know. When God provides the provision, I will go back. Then I was informed of the church trip in Ocotber so my answer then became, I will return in October with the team from church. But as I began giving this answer I felt another phrase come into my spirit that I didn't want to say but couldn't hold it in, "Unless something else comes up." What? Unless something comes up? What could possibly come up between now and October where I would return? Well, joke is on me. I received a message on a Tuesday asking if I was available to come to Haiti on that Saturday and stay for two weeks (Unless something comes up...). I spoke with my parents and my brother, all of them were super supportive and said sure. What do we need to do before then? I am working in a familiar place with new opportunities and obstacles. Once again God is teaching me and training me on serving rather than leading. Although the work I am doing now is work I have been able to do naturally well, it was never on this scale. Lots of work, lots of blessings, lots of struggle, lots of joy. Along with all that, I was able to connect with the Tucker's and while I have been here I was able to begin the process for a VISA. The paperwork will be finished this week, Lord willing, and I will be able to submit everything in the coming weeks. Blessing. This blessing came with alot of work that I am grateful God rigorously prepared me for. Even this blessing is a preparation for more to come.

I am amazed at how the struggles I mentioned before have prepared me for the very blessing I am experiencing. I am also amazed at how much God is changing not just the dream, but me. He has revealed my core struggle. Exposed it like an old, untreated wound that now hurts from the exposure but it's finally healing.

With all of this, I'd like to ask for prayer. Prayer for wisdom and opportunity. Prayer for my brother. Ethan has taken his first step since surrendering to the call to preach. He has now moved out, will start college, leads a youth group, and lives in another state. All blessings. All of them require much work. Not only for him, but for us as a family too. Prayer for my parents. A promise that wasn't going how I thought it should, is back in front of me. Still not going as I would have it. It's hard waiting for a promise you can see, but God is faithfully showing me how unprepared for that promise I am. Prayer for me and the promise.

I'd like to finish with a challenge. A challenge for me AND those led to read this. Don't make any plans for a few days. Wake up, look for opportunities, take them. Each day, get up, do what is placed befor you. When God decides to give the next opportunity, take the steps requred with expectation. Until then, KEEP PREPARING FOR RAIN.