Awakening
Wow. August 2022. It doesn't seem possible that it's already been over 3 years since I was called home. In complete transparency, I've been avoiding this. Avoiding writing, journaling, sharing, and even reading. For three years I've let my doubt silence me. Not anymore.
I've been praying alot lately for the courage and strength to start writing again. That may seem like an odd prayer but for me, writing is when I feel the Holy Spirit move in me the most. As I write, I can feel the Father speaking to me. Writing is typically when He addresses my shortcomings as well… anyways, I stumbled across my old website. I realized it was still active, so I began to read my old blogs. I cried, I laughed, and I relived some extraordinary memories. I became overwhelmed with this sense of loss as though the girl who wrote those blogs had died. I almost didn't recognize myself in the words I had written. I miss her. I miss that way of thinking. I want it back and I want to grow it. Kelsey, my husband, has been suggesting I write a book, or start blogging again or even begin a vlog for some time now. I'm glad he's been encouraging these things because it got my mind moving. It made me desire it again.
So, the website got a makeover and I decided to act on faith. The dream of Destined2B is still very much alive in my heart. I had led myself to believe that since I wasn't a "missionary" living in Haiti, that dream had to die. But as I wrestled this lie, I remembered that the vision and dream I've had behind D2B was instilled in my heart before I even went to Haiti. That lie has no hold on me anymore. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing. Not even the slightest clue what is supposed to happen next. I know I'm not an expert or even considered "experienced" by most. I don’t have super eloquent words or a captivating writing ability. What I do know is that I can convey my emotions and thoughts well in words and that each and every experience and circumstance I've encountered so far, has taught me something and I am compelled to share. I know I've been called to shine light in the darkness. Reveal the truth. Expose the lies, specifically regarding missions. The desire and passion I have to teach and lead is not something I can keep starving. I'm ready. This is my awakening.
Through this awakening, there's three areas I'm guided to teach and speak out about.
My Home. I'm coming up on three years married. I'm a second wife and a step mom to two teenage girls. Let's talk about a mission field, right? I've found a great resource for step families and have found an intentional family therapist. Well, she was found for us. My heart hurts for the other families that only feel the brokenness and shame of blended families. I want to share the victories and failures of my own experiences. One of my bonus daughters will even share some of her experiences. Let’s talk about how you make it feel like home.
My Health. I've been a very sickly person for most of my life. God has miraculously saved my life in the midst of disease and infection. I've received faith based care that has changed my life. But the lifestyle was so difficult to begin and maintain, so I want to provide resources and tips on how to implement health into your values as a family. I want to be an encouragement and ray of hope for those wanting to better themselves. I lacked the community and encouragement in my lifestyle change, I want to build community. No one should be shamed for wanting to take care of their temple.
Missions and Worship. Teach missions. Teach worship. Those two things aren't actually possible. You don't 'learn' missions and you don't 'learn' Worship. You experience it. You deepen your understanding of it. In order to acquire this, we need community. My intention is to create a discussion around these two topics and learn truths and unlearn assumptions about each of them. Kids will be involved in this aspect. Eventually, my two daughters will be a part of these blogs and discussions. How do we overcome the lies we’ve adapted as part of who we are? This is how. Missions and Worship.
As you will see on the site, I have kept my previous blogs. There will be times I will repost these or reference them as prayers are answered and new lessons are learned. These blogs feel as though they were from another lifetime but as I grow, I am seeing how much they are used to write my current story and it reminds me of God’s Faithfulness.
The (mostly) final aspect of this awakening is the opportunity to invest in kids, youth groups, mission teams, and individuals felt led to missions. As you will read on the site, my long term goal is to be an asset as a group discussion leader and teacher. I would love to host weekend retreats for groups before and after their mission trips. For kids, do a weekend VBS discussing worship, discipleship, and missions. Eventually I hope to see this adapted into schools focusing on leadership and service. Meeting with people with a heart for worship, breaking down their perspective of worship and what it means to lead it. I am not musically inclined so I wouldn’t be able to offer music training, but I sing and lead worship and have walked through many hardships.
Before I get to the point of hosting retreats and VBS’s, I simply need to start. I am starting with reaching out to individuals and groups preparing for missions. Let’s meet over coffee, let’s pray, let’s dive into the Word and strengthen our hearts for the mission. Let’s face some doubts and concerns so they don’t overwhelm you on your mission. Then, when you return, let’s debrief and unpack what you saw, felt and questioned. The good and bad. Take what you’ve learned or unlearned and find practical ways to implement it into your daily routine in ‘normal’ life. After a few weeks or even months, let’s chat and see where your heart is. I desperately wish I had a resource like this during my time on the mission field and I’ve seen people lose faith after missions because they didn’t have an outlet to safely feel and question the things they had seen. I want to change that. I want to stress that when I say ‘missions’ I do not just mean trips. A mission could be your new job, quitting your job, a new marriage, adoption, fostering, birthing a child, or moving to a new town or state. I want to be a sounding board. Tell me YOUR mission field and let’s prepare. For the worship side of things, I simply want to meet and hear your heart regarding worship. What is your gift or talent you bring in worship? What does worship mean to you? Much like missions, I don’t just mean music or singing. Are you an artist? A teacher? A dancer? Maybe you are a youth leader or kids ministry leader, I want to invest in you! Because what you offer, is intended to be used for worship. Let’s discover and grow together. Maybe worship is a foreign concept to you and you’d just like to learn, this is for you too. Eventually, I hope to have a curriculum for each of these aspects as well. But for now I will start with just me, a notebook, and the Holy Spirit.
Occasionally on the site I will post either a blog or vlog called Truths2B. These will be formed around lessons or insights I have gained through reading the Word. It may be notes from a message I heard and really studied, it may be a story of something one of my kids or my husband realized about their walk in faith, it may be a miracle testimony or it may be a specific prayer request or praise. These will be completely random. Once I begin connecting with people, this will be where I share victories and stories (with permission) from the ones I have met with. It will be where I ask for prayer for a mission team or even promote assisting their mission. I would even like to display worship in this category. Maybe someone drew or painted a beautiful picture in worship and wanted to share, or they wrote a song or created a dance. I believe when we share our gifts, needs, desires and fears, we are proclaiming truths. Truths2B.
As mentioned before, I am no expert. I don’t have any degrees in these areas and I am young so there’s not many years of experience. But I refuse to let those details lessen the significance of my testimony and wisdom I have learned. I am still learning. I will not be silenced any longer.
Challenge
If you are interested in missions or worship, connect with me. Let’s talk about your desires and perspectives. I want to invest in you.
If your church or group is planning a trip, contact me. I would love to meet with the team and pray for their journey.
If you are a kids ministry leader or youth leader, reach out to me. I would be more than happy to meet and discuss how I can pray for you and encourage you in your ministry.
If you have no idea what I am trying to do but want clarification, email me. I have kept this desire stuffed way down inside of me so I am ready for the questions and opportunity to share.
If you are reading this and looking for guidance but you’re not sure about God, religion or things of that nature, let’s chat. Not to ‘convert’ you, but to encourage you to keep moving towards your goal
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This is my AWAKENING.