Purpose
There was a point in my life when I couldn’t stop talking about the verse that the Holy Spirit guided me to. I remember trying to tell everyone this verse because it was blowing my mind. I kept asking why we never recited this verse or never heard a pastor preach on it. I quickly realized though that it even took me some time to find it.
I remember that we were challenged by our pastor to find a ‘life verse.’ At first that overwhelmed me to no end. Why didn’t I already have one committed to memory? Then the ones I did know, were the ones EVERYONE knew and used and seemed very impersonal to me. I remember even questioning if I knew the Bible or was praying right or wondering, “am I even saved?” I wish I was just being dramatic but that was where my mind went. This was all during the time I was being led to move to Haiti. It was actually how the Father confirmed the move to Haiti. I was doing quite a bit of reading and was studying the different verses typically associated with missions. I was reading so many verses about leaving your family, following the Lord where He was guiding and verses about trust. Most of which were in the Old Testament. Then, one day I began cross referencing. My Bible had all these little references next to each verse so I started following those. I can’t remember where I even started to end up on my life verse but when I read it, I knew. It was almost as though I didn’t even read the verse, it was read to me. For the first couple days after reading it, I was in shock. Just soaking in every single word. Then, as I developed my own interpretation and understanding of that verse, I felt like I was going to explode. As mentioned before, I wanted to tell everyone and get their thoughts on it. However, I usually got the sympathetic head nod and a, “yeah, that’s a good one,” with no elaboration or discussion. I did NOT understand and given my own personal doubts, I questioned whether or not God spoke this verse to my heart.
Finally, in sharing my desires and the discovery of this verse, I realized, God spoke this to MY heart. No one else needed to hear it the way I was. He was giving it to me. So I took it and ran with it. It became my everyday practice to believe and live by. In every situation I would look at the options and reactions through the lens of this verse. Ready to hear it??
This is the New Living Translation. This was the translation I was reading at the time when the Father led me to the verse. I now have a Christian Standard Bible and it reads like this,
I share both of these translations because the first one is the one committed to memory and that is on all my past Haiti fundraising items. The second one though uses vocabulary I had been using in my prayers during my time overseas. I had never read a verse more true to my heart regarding missions. What most don’t realize is that I did not want to do missions. I went on one mission trip in 2009, the summer before my senior year. We went to Uganda, Africa and I did not know a soul on that trip. Although looking back I can see miracles and growth, I can remember when we were not permitted into a school we were supposed to be speaking in and I looked out over the plain at a huge rain storm. It was beautiful. My heart was tired. I had been sick while there so I felt like a burden. I didn’t understand what I was seeing and feeling. I really didn’t even hear much of the Jesus I thought I knew. I sat under a tree and told God that I would do absolutely anything He wanted me to, EXCEPT do overseas missions. I prayed He would not call me overseas. Eventually I will give details about that mission trip but I am still unpacking some emotions and beliefs brought about by it. I was convinced that I was useless in the mission field because I wasn’t speaking to anyone, I didn’t get to do any of the tasks, I was just kind of there. So, since I didn’t do anything except get sick, I wasn’t working for the Lord.
Before I even found this verse I would often say things similar to this verse but much more demeaning to myself than encouraging. I used the words, “my life is worth nothing if I am not working for the Lord.” Very similar but so so different. I believed and understood that I had a purpose and a purpose that was given by God, and at the time that ‘purpose’, well what I understood to be purpose, was teaching. So I adapted my thoughts to mean, “I am worth nothing if I am not teaching.” Are you seeing the innocently twisted truth of purpose in Christ? I wish I had seen it earlier. I give this little bit of back story to hopefully express how mind blown I was when I read a verse, the LIVING WORD OF GOD, that clarified this desire I had in my soul. I wanted to make God proud. I wanted to ‘be worth” something and only do what He would have me do. But with that came some denial. I had found my identity in using my God given purpose, NOT THE FATHER. This verse challenged me to give up what I thought I knew about who I was. That was not and still is not easy.
At the beginning of the year I was compelled to read Acts from the beginning up to the end of chapter 20. It was clear the Father was wanting to ignite something in me with this verse again. What I never seemed to have noticed before was the context of this verse, which actually happens quite often when reading the bible. Paul was saying goodbye to some of the new Christians who had housed and supported him in his ministries. Paul was telling them that he would never see them again. Literally the verses before this says,
Then, he warns them that they would be attacked and persecuted and that he has done all he could do for them by sharing the Gospel of God’s Grace. How encouraging? He didn’t condemn himself because he was leaving the people he was previously called to minister to because he had fulfilled his purpose in sharing the Gospel of God’s Grace. He was not responsible for protecting them, he was only responsible for finishing his work for God.
Simply the opening words of that verse wrecked my soul. “But my life is worth nothing to ME…(NLT).” “But I consider my life of no value to MYSELF…(CSB),” (my own emphasis added). It doesn’t say I am worthless to GOD if I am not pursuing His plans, it says I am worthless to myself. Mind. Blown. God was never disappointed in me in Africa, or pursuing a teaching career, or giving that career up and He certainly is not disappointed in me no longer living overseas. He has given me a purpose and my life is worth EVERYTHING to fulfill that purpose of testifying to His Goodness and Grace. But my life is worth nothing to me if I don’t. Even still, I am blown away at this revelation.
Let’s look at the next line or so; “unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus, (NLT).” “my purpose is to finish my course and the ministry I received from the Lord Jesus, (CSB).” I find it interesting that one translation uses the word ‘unless’ while the other translation simply puts a semicolon to get us to pause. Some would call this contradiction, I don’t. First, the Father reveals that the worthlessness of my life is seen through MY OWN EYES not His, but then tells me, wait, it’s worthless UNLESS I use my life to finish the work HE started and HE assigned to me as HIS chosen daughter. This is exactly the way I needed to read this verse when I was first being called to missions. I needed to see the hope. I needed to see that my eyes were deceiving me but they didn’t have to. I needed to know that what I was thinking and perceiving was real but it was not my end result. Fast forward to when I got my new CSB bible after living in Haiti for a time and I now read this verse with a pause and restatement of who I am called to be. My purpose is to finish MY course and ministry that the Father gave to ME. Let me just say, at this point in my life, I needed that breath.
I was still struggling with believing the twisted version of the beginning of that verse that my life has no value to God rather than the truth that my life has no value to ME and all the value in the world to GOD. I loved reading the addition of the word ‘consider.’ It does not say that I am right in how I see myself as having no value, it says I consider it of no value. Then, there is a pause. A wonderful moment to take a deep breath and accept once again that my perception of myself and my value is tainted. My PURPOSE, I have a love hate relationship with that word so it hit home, is to finish MY COURSE AND MINISTRY. Not anyone else’s, not any other organization’s, not any other church’s or donor’s course and ministry but MINE given to ME by the Father. Wow. My three years in Haiti were a constant struggle in this sense. I was constantly trying to be the missionary everyone wanted me to be, fill the needs everyone wanted me to fill, and help finish other people’s missions and courses. No wonder I was constantly failing, THOSE WEREN’T MINE TO FINISH. What FREEDOM!
Now we bring it home. The end of the verse is telling us exactly what the purpose is that makes us of value to the Kingdom. “the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God, (NLT).” “to testify to the gospel of God’s grace, (CSB).” We all share this purpose. The avenue in which we carry out this purpose is where we get all tied up in identity. Our purpose, why we live and die, is to tell others the GOOD NEWS, aka the GOSPEL, of God’s Grace. The CSB’s translation using the words ‘to testify’ really resonates with me. If you testify, that means you have seen or witnessed. So my purpose is to tell people, all people, MY story of God’s Grace. What I have seen. My purpose has nothing to do with my job. It has nothing to do with my dreams and goals. It has nothing to do with being a wife or mom. I can sit at a desk and input data on a spreadsheet, that is not my purpose or identity. I can teach kids how to read, World History, Foreign Language, or about emotions, that is not my purpose or identity. I can sit at a desk and answer phones and file papers, or perform surgeries that save lives or enhance the quality of someone’s life, but that is not my purpose or identity. That is what I do, not who I am. My purpose is why I am here. My performance or influence at my place of work or even in my family is not my purpose. I must tell others of my experiences of God’s Grace. I can literally do that anywhere, anytime. After school when my kids are telling me about their day, we can discuss how that shows God’s goodness and grace even on the bad days. In the mornings during breakfast with my husband, we can reflect on how blessed we are because of God’s Grace. Texting or meeting with a friend. Calling my parents and siblings. Writing a blog post 😛
My brother-in-law, a wonderfully gifted worship leader, recently shared his heart in a meeting I was a part of. He said, “Comparison is finding your identity in how you’re being used by God, not in how you are LOVED by God.” I will absolutely use this phrase in another blog soon but had to share how it tied in to the topic of purpose. Our purpose does not reside in our ability to carry out a task or calling. Our calling is not our purpose. Our purpose is used in our calling. Being loved by God is an example of His Grace that we can TESTIFY to others. In testifying to others, we are fulfilling our purpose. I encourage any and all who read this to ask themselves, “Am I finding my identity in what I am doing for God, or in His love for me?” Read that verse in whatever translation you have, how does it hit your soul? Do you feel worthless in your career, do you wonder if you even have a calling? Find FREEDOM in this verse. You have a purpose already. Your purpose is defined by whose you are, NOT WHAT YOU DO.
I am so passionate about this. Although I found this verse and applied it to my season as a missionary, God is still speaking it over me in the season I am in now. So just as much as I am encouraging and challenging you, I am doing with myself. I very intensely find my worth in what and how I am doing instead of just being loved. Let’s claim this hope and freedom together.
If you agree, disagree, have a different perspective, encouragement, stories, or questions, please reach out. Comment or Contact us. I would love to connect and hear your heart.