When it rains...

Wow. Today was the most overwhelming day of blessings I have had in a while. Before I explain today, I would like to fill everyone in on what’s been going on recently.

Last week at this time, I was so sick that I couldn’t get out of bed. High fever and a sore throat. No other symptoms that I knew of. My throat had been uncomfortable for a couple days prior to this. Then Saturday, it was exam day at the school so I could not miss. By the time I got home, I could barely talk, walk or even hold my head up. Sunday and Monday I spent in my room. By the wonderful work of God, I found some medicine in a bag of supplies left by a previous group. It was exactly what I needed. Tuesday I finally regained my strength and was able to go out and speak with the children. Wednesday I was back to normal as though I had never been sick. I must be honest and admit, I was on the verge of visiting a hospital. I was getting worried. I only told a couple people that I was sick and judging by the health I have now, I know they prayed. Well, being in bed for three days gives a lot of time to think. In other words, it was the perfect time for the attacks of Satan to creep in.

I began thinking about the dream I have and how far, I thought, I was from even starting it. I began wondering if I was even supposed to continue since I had been a ‘failure’ so far. I started beating myself up with ‘what if’ situations and ‘if only I had…’ and so on. I’m sure everyone has had these thoughts. When these thoughts had me just about convinced to give up on the dream of a mission and just keep teaching, a name was put on my heart. A name of a person I hold so dearly now. Someone I had met, and knew on a very basic level who leads a similar journey. I took a chance and messaged them my heart. I was surprised at first to only be answered with more questions but after the first few, I saw how much God was revealing to me. How much I actually had done, how much passion I have for these people and this dream. I realized I had been distracted because I am not talking about it enough. I don’t want this to sound prideful in any way. It is just me expressing my fault in thinking that God wasn’t using me where I am. Me and this wonderful Godsend exchanged trials and victories and it ended with a connection. In Haiti. God is Good.

After these messages, I began to feel more joy. Joy that I didn’t realize I had lost. It wasn’t until God allowed me to feel it again that I knew what I had lost. The next day, was the day I was able to see the kids, Wednesday. On this day each child came and greeted me with a kiss and said they prayed for me. They know God sent me here to help them so they knew He would heal me to be with them. My emotions were flooded with humility and joy and so much gratitude.

Each day I started waking up with a little more joy. A brighter smile. A desire to DO! Last night, I had an intimate time with God. When this intimate time ended, it began to rain, and I don’t mean a light gentle rain, I mean a loud, heavy downpour. I went to an area where I could feel the mist of the rain falling and just took in the smell, the chill, the refreshing shower. It continued to rain as I fell asleep.

 Today though. God went above and beyond. Although the sun was shining, God was still raining on me. Little did I know, what I believe was the reason of the rain storm last night, God was about to pour Himself out on me, just as the rain poured last night.

 I went to church today and when I got there, I wanted to greet people like I do in the states. I wanted to talk and visit. Usually I would become doubtful in my ability to communicate so I would avoid certain interactions but not today. Today I caught a glimpse of the me God intends for me to be and I am determined to continue being and growing her. This me is used by God, not Brittany. After Sunday school, a good friend of mine from the states showed up with two people from his church. One of which was the pastor who had come to preach this morning. Wow. He preached a message that was though he had taken my notes from my daily readings and prayers and preached from it. He would make eye contact with me and say things that I know without a doubt were God himself claiming over me. He preached out of Ephesians 1. I won’t get into that yet, mainly because I haven’t quite finished discovering what God wanted to tell me. I got the main idea but I know there’s more.

After the service, I was invited to lunch with them where we had fellowship and a wonderful meal. During this lunch, God was moving, I didn’t know it at the time, but he was. We shared a great time of fellowship. When we arrived at the house, I showed them around and told them about the way things happened and how God was working. Another opportunity to share. During this moment of sharing, God began answering some of my personal questions from my devotion times and prayers as I was speaking. He was literally using my own mouth to tell me what I needed. He amazes me. After we spoke for a while, they asked to pray over me and bless me. As soon as we grasped one another’s hands, the spirit of God embraced us. Tears and what I call “Holy Bumps” took over. I started praying but I heard a still small voice say, “No Brittany, listen.” With this I quit my prayer and began to listen to the words. God again was speaking to me. He was telling me exactly what He saw in me. God was saying this. God began revealing and surrounding me in His love and mercy and a glimpse of the thoughts He has toward me.

I stood there flooded with tears as God used each of these men to reveal another piece of me that God sees and God wants me to see. Wants me to claim. When this prayer ended, I felt new. Refreshed. As they began their goodbyes with the children my friend took me aside and began to thank me. He shared some things about the view people have on Haiti and how the fellowship and discussion with me changed that view. Even when God was pouring blessings on me, He was using me to bless someone else. Which was the greatest blessing of all.

As soon as they left I ran inside to start writing down what God had done. Which is why I am here now. I didn’t want to forget this. Although I am sure I am not doing justice to the extent of what God has done today, I don’t feel as though I will ever be able to express it. Not with human words, or a human body.

The best way to put it is I feel new. I don’t even recognize the person I woke up as this morning. I believe she was good. She followed Christ. She desired His will. But the person I am now, and will continue to become, is someone I look forward to getting know. I feel as though I have finally seen and felt what God created me for. He’s given me a taste of the me He’s been hoping I’d claim. Now I am hungry. Hungry for so much more.

What has been put on my heart for anyone and everyone reading is,

When you see yourself, what do you see? What do you think the you that God created you to be is like? How similar and different are those two views? I challenge you and myself, claim the thoughts of the person you believe God created you to be. Claim them. Receive them. There’s a sense of freedom in claiming what has been offered freely.

I know this post will show up on Facebook and during this time of seeking Christ I have chosen to remove myself from Social Media while I am here. If you would like to share any thoughts, dreams, concerns, encouragement, please contact me through messenger or by email through the website. Comments on this post through Facebook will not be seen until I return to the states. I have enabled comments on this blog for you to post comments freely. These I will see.

Sometimes, from our view, our circumstance is the giant. But in that same circumstance, God is showing others, we are the giant, with Him as the strength. I think l am finally starting to scratch the surface of how big God is. And that this big God lives in me. In us. I see a giant in front of me with the trials and circumstances I encounter, but those giants see THE giant in me, and His name is JESUS. It’s almost like, trials and temptations are Goliath, God is David and I’m the stone. He WANTS to use me to defeat the very things in my life, He already defeated many years ago.

In addition to the previous challenge. Read Ephesians 1:2-14. My next post will be about this incredible passage and I’d love to discuss everyone’s take on this passage once I get it posted.

As always, God bless, thank you for your support. See you soon.